Fundamental of Self Boundaries :Series 2: How am I self-caring?

Self-care isn’t just what we do when we’re exhausted—it’s how we relate to ourselves every day. At its core, self-care is a boundary. It’s the quiet decision to notice what you need, honor your limits, and respond with intention rather than neglect.

In this series, How Am I Self-Caring?, we explore self-care as an internal practice—not a checklist or a trend, but a relationship with yourself. Are you listening to your body’s signals? Respecting your emotional capacity? Allowing rest without guilt? Speaking to yourself with compassion instead of pressure?

Healthy self-boundaries ask one simple, powerful question: What do I need right now—and am I willing to give it to myself?
This series invites you to pause, reflect, and gently redefine self-care as an act of self-respect, safety, and sustainability.

Transcript

Speaker 0:00

Hello and welcome back the podcast where Your Thought Will Meet Transformation. Thank you for spending time and space with me. Last podcast, we spoke about self-care. We spoke about ways to audit our self-care acts. We spoke about reasons why we don't self-care. This podcast, like I discussed on the last podcast, we're gonna be addressing self boundary a lot of time. We are so fast to talk about boundaries in the context of doing boundaries. With others, making sure that we're not being disrespected, we're not mishandling, but a lot of the time we're not doing boundaries with ourselves. How are we evaluating if we're not disrespecting ourselves? How are we evaluating if we're not mishandling ourselves? Because until we learn how to regulate, how we handle our ourself. We really cannot be self advocating when we ask for boundaries from others. So let's do that today. Let's dive into it. Now we're getting into the inner work of self boundary, creating boundary with yourself, which is just as important as setting boundaries with others. This is about respecting your own mind, your body. And honoring your needs consistently, self boundary or personal boundaries are the limits and rules you set for yourself. We set for ourself in our relationship with ourselves. It's how you respect yourself. You protect yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. From being misused or mishandled by yourself. So how do we create self boundaries? The first most important way to understand what your self boundary acts are, is to realize what you do in your thinking. Fundamentally, when we start to disrespect ourself, it starts in our thinking. What are your thoughts doing to you? If your thoughts were human separated from you, would it feel like. That human was abusive? Would it feel like that human was kind? Would it feel like that human was respectful? Whatever the answer is will allow you to really evaluate if your self boundaries actions are good. If your self boundary acts are good, remember just like you will really not take on another person disrespecting you. You should not also be doing that to yourself. Self boundaries with self is recognizing your limit. Pay attention to your energy, your emotion, and your capacity. A lot of time we do not do boundaries well with our capacity. We always overextending those ways. Notice when you feel depleted, anxious, or resentful. These are sign that your inner boundaries is being crossed by yourself. An example is, I notice I feel drained when I stay up past 11:00 PM but yet, are you respecting yourself enough to say, before 11, I should go to bed? Define your priorities. Another way. We need to start creating proper self boundaries. What we prioritize, clarify what matters most to you. Is it your health? Is it rest? Is it your relationship? Is it personal growth? Is it spirituality? Until you are clear on what matters to you or what's important for wellness for you, you will not do proper boundaries. Boundaries, which yourself protects this priorities. An example will be deciding that daily meditation or journaling is a non-negotiable for your mental health, deciding that not. Taking on extra is prioritizing your mental health setting clear realistic rules, establishing limits that honors your needs without judgment. That's a big way to create boundary with yourself. An example will be, I will check my emails. Between 9:00 AM and 3:00 PM I will not skip lunch. A lot of people skip lunch because in their mind, they're too busy to take lunch. That's not proper boundaries itself. I will not go out of my way to make another person comfortable at the expense of my wellness. That's doing boundaries with yourself. Accessing self-discipline with compassion when we cannot discipline self. It's a lot hard for people to do self discipline, and when I see someone that struggles with self-discipline, which is consistently reminding yourself what's best for you and. Committing to it. When I see people not doing self-discipline well, I automatically know they will struggle with self boundary and also creating boundaries with others. Boundaries with yourself requires consistent follow through, but without being harsh or criticizing yourself. An example will be if I don't get to do all the things on my to-do list. It's okay. I can always rea attempt it the next day. Not self boundary is something we are gonna have to do consistently for the rest of our life. We must learn to be able to monitor and adjust, readjust adequately. Reflect on your internal rules, regularly. Do an audit. What are the things that are still working for me? What are the things that are not working for me? Some boundaries may need to be tightened. Reinforcement reaffirmation. Others may be flexible, meaning I can get away by giving myself some grace here if I don't complete these things. But here are some things that I should always do for me. An example will be adjusting what time? No, it's not healthy for you. It's lack of self boundary when your walk hours are from nine to five, but at 7:00 PM. You're still working. Even that applies to me self-disclosure, and that's part of the ways I'm doing self boundaries as well. Affirming your commitment using empowering statement to reinforce your inner boundaries. An example will be, I honor. My rest. As much as I honor my work, I am allowed to say no to thoughts, habits, and patterns that harm me. Caring for myself is not indulgent. It is my right and my power. So those are the way to kinda evaluate if you're doing self boundary, if those things are missing, I urge us to start. It's never too late to start doing self boundary. I always say again. Anyone that cannot do self boundaries can definitely not do boundaries with another. It starts with how you handle yourself. The way you handle yourself empowers you to advocate for how the next person handles you. Implementing in our boundary is not rigid. It's about respect, awareness, and gentle discipline over time, the small daily practices. Creates freedom, balance, and personal integrity, making it easy for you to try mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually. Why do we lack self boundary? Here are some examples of us lacking self boundary when we over commit to others saying yes to every request when it drains us. Is one of the major ways we dishon our self boundary. An example will be taking extra work, helping a friend, constantly volunteering beyond your capacity, leaving yourself exhausted people, pleasing, overcompensating, overcommitting. Example of when we lack self boundaries, ignoring personal needs, which most people struggle with. I always say it's very easy to put yourself. At the back of the line, when you've put everybody else in front of the line, the only space left for you is at the back of the line, ignoring personal needs. Not sleeping enough, not exercising enough because life is just too busy for you to take those time for yourself walking late every night because you feel guilty over indulging or or avoiding discomfort. That's another way we don't do self boundary well when we overindulge or we avoid discomfort. There's definitely a lack of self boundary, a lack of self-discipline, giving into our impulses, easily giving into distraction to escape the discomfort instead of facing and problem solving it a lot of time. When people are definitely not doing self boundary because of lack of self care, you find that when they do feel exhausted and burnt out, then they're binge eating. They're binge watching TV because they feel completely exhausted. They're so drained and they move into overindulging, overindulging with food, overindulging with impulses, overindulging with buying. And in that space, we are actually moving in lack of self boundary, internal pressure, and the need for perfectionism. When we push ourself beyond what our energy or emotional limits are, not properly auditing what your energy level is, especially in social spaces, showing up when there's nothing to show up with, but still masking. Showing up, compelling yourself to achieve unrealistic goals while ignoring signals of strength and burnout. The fifth way we lack self boundaries, neglecting our emotional health. A lot of time negative talk has become such a pattern negative self-talk it the most consistent language. We speak to ourselves. When we lack self boundary, we show up. Always ready to feel shame or guilt. It dominates our thoughts without odds. An example is when you're so fast to self criticize, self-loathing behavior. A lot of time when I see self-loathing, I see a person that doesn't know how to properly off handle that is so conditioned to self-abuse. We criticize ourself for feeling tired and anxious instead of honoring the need. To rest when we don't have good work-life balance. We definitely struggle with self boundaries. We're constantly checking our emails even when we're home and we're not at work. I once on a girl's vacation and this person couldn't stop checking their work emails. I'm like, what's the purpose of being on vacation? Oh, I just don't want them to. Send me an email and I don't respond in a timely manner. How, how not wearing you on vacation. So let's be aware of it. Responding to walking meal during family dinners or even after those walk hours is done because of the fear of losing or the or because of the fear of not being seen as responsible has a reflection. The lack of self boundary always leads to stress, resentment. Gone out, an emotional exhaustion. Recognizing this pattern is the first step towards creating inner boundaries, self respect, and even a more healthy and balanced life. A lot of time when we don't do self boundaries well, it does start to affect our physical health, realizing that there's a strong correlation between anxiety and GI issue is understanding how our mental health does affect. Physical health. Now that we have spoken about self boundaries, what they should look like and, and the ways we are not doing them, let's talk about practical tools to implement self boundaries daily. I want you to do this in the next two weeks. It usually takes two to six weeks for a new habit to form. So if you have that much time, please do this for me consistently in the next two to six weeks. Start your day with intention. What does that mean? Begin every morning by setting one clear boundary for yourself, whether it's getting up every second hour at work and taking a walk, whether it is checking your negative self-talk. An example again, will be taking 10 minutes of mindful break from work, not responding to email immediately. Taking 15 minutes before you respond to it. Just commit to one one clear boundary. A day, just one. For the next six weeks, use Gen two reminders because this is not natural to you. You will benefit from gen two reminders. Put sticky notes, put a reminder on your phone, put a calendar, a alert to reinforce that boundary that you've chosen to do in the next six to eight weeks. Schedule non-negotiable self-care in the next six to eight weeks. Protect at least one block of time for yourself every day, even if it's 30 minutes. Have to be consistent enough to just take care. Practice, no internally practice saying no to yourself. This is not about saying no to anybody yet, and we'll talk about that in the next podcast when we talk about self-advocacy, but it's really about practicing saying no to self. How many times do you find that you struggle to say no to yourself and the next six weeks? Check on your no radar to yourself. Recognize when your mind. Pushes you beyond healthy limit. An example is, I feel tired, but I wanna push myself to finish this. Just push myself a little harder to get there. It's okay to say no to yourself. It's okay to say, no, I'm tired. I don't have to get all of this done. Remember all, nothing is really an emergency except what the mind makes an emergency. So check. Is this really an emergency? And if it's not, then say no to yourself. Manage how much you expose yourself to social media, especially those times. I had a client encounter recently about how the news on social media is, was an increasing paranoia for them. And one of the things I asked them to do is to do a social media fast. I do that often too. Sometimes I'm off social media for three months at a time. So consider doing. Digital fencing. If you're not getting off social media completely, don't you? That time limit, I will not be on social media after 7:00 PM so it prevents you from doing the doom scrolling. I will not be on my phone after 7:00 PM A lot of times when I'm done with work, I do put my phone on do not disturb. That's the boundary I do with myself to just distress and just recenter. Respect your signal, whether physical or emotional in the next six weeks. Respect those signals. Listen to signs of stress, fatigue and tension, and take care of yourself. Do not postpone self-care. That's part of doing self boundary. And lastly, I like this. I love an end of day checking because I also do it. I check in and I found myself. Did I honor my boundaries today? Where did I overstep? And then I have found myself a love affirmation. You did well. Tomorrow is another day. Let's try again. Each day with a positive affirmation. Like I respect myself, I hone on my limit. Setting boundaries with myself is an act of self-love. I choose what I nourish my body, my mind and soul weight allows the mind to start creating new pathways. Honors, respect and tender to you. Let's end this podcast. I know this will be a more challenging week if we struggle with self boundaries. It's not about getting it right the first time. It's about how consistently we can. Do those act that respects us. Until we're able to properly do self boundaries, we will struggle with boundaries with others. The first step is learning how to do boundaries with ourself, because that empowers us to do boundaries well with others. Implementing in our boundaries is not about rigidity. It's about respect, awareness, and gentle discipline. Over time, the small daily practices will create freedom, balance, and personal integrity, and make it easier for you to try mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Until next time, self boundary is an act of self care to not abandon how you discipline self. Do not mishandle yourself. Also, remember, awareness is power, and power is freedom. Be kind to yourself. Thank you.